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So a few days ago my friends started talking about some of those funny Chuck Norris facts again and I thought they were pretty funny. I know the whole Chuck Norris facts things is kinda old but im bored and I kinda want a laugh. Oh this is my 100th post w00t just noticed :D.
My Fav Chuck Norris fact:
After Chuck Norris finished having sex in the back of a truck, some of his semen dripped on to the truck. It was later known as Optimus Prime.
When Chuck Norris jumps into water he does not get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris' tears saves lives, but the only time he cries is when he kills someone.
So do you KINDA want a laugh or do you WANT a laugh? Because if you only KINDA want a laugh then this thread is not worth my time.Quote:
Originally Posted by TheBladeChild
WANT a laugh cannot possibly involve a chuck norris joke.Quote:
Originally Posted by mage
I've always enjoyed this one:
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Lol at that one Samurai
heres another one:
The magic word is please, too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
but my favorite has to be this one:
Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
This one's pretty bad:
The only person to survive a Chuck Norris Roundhouse kick is Christopher Reeve, the horse got in the way.
Wasn't gonna post in this thread, but these 3 really made me laugh.Quote:
Originally Posted by masamuneehs
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Round and round Chuck Norris' foot goes, where will it hit? Only spectators will know.
Chuck Norris once visited the "Virgin Islands," from then on they were known as the "Islands"
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
There are two hands that can beat a royal flush. Chuck Norris's right hand and Chuck Norris's left hand.
The Chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk and Kill
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the earth down.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, He decides what time it is.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins