Dear person who is about as popular in the IRC channel as I am when I dress black and accompany my mom to church, (which thankfully doesn't happen very often, no offense against god, but damn it is boring)

"Why are teenage girls overdramatic, stuck up, religious "jerks" that hate for saying they look like a cute puppy?"

Because teenage guys are adrenalinepumped morons who think with their dicks and loves humiliating others in a vain attempt to get the attention of the girls you mention.

It evens out.

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Dear zabuza with two numbers on each end of his nick which forms a somewhat pleasant sexual position,

"can you tell me y zinobi asked this?"

I might be a internet idol, supersexy megacool flamboyant drummer in control of the fate of the universe... but I'm not a fucking mindreader. And I'm glad I'm not. Because if I was, I'd implode due to all the idiocy in the average person's mind.

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Dear megaman x6 is too fucking hard,

"do you enjoy lingonberries??"

Not the berries themselves, but the "juice". I like eating them together with meatballs, dipping the balls in the juice and then discarding the berries. Yes I know that sentence sounded very mysterious and suggesting, but that wasn't my intention.

And yes I like meatballs for real and it's not just a funny thing I write because I'm swedish. IT'S PART OF MY GENES!

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Dear somewhatdarkmatter,

"How do I get rid of the voices at night?"

Have you tried shutting off the TV? I used to forget that. It almost drew me insane. Can't believe it took so long a time to realize that was the reason.

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Dear JSP (looks almost like jasper),

"Why do i love to see myself in the mirror?"

Oh, so the image of me I put up on your mirror is working out fine? Glad to hear!

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Dear forks,

"Why is your name now purple?"

<= because this purple smiley came up to me recently and said "Terra man, you are the only one who can help me, when people see purple they think of me and automatically become sad". So I took it upon myself to wear purple so that people will think of me instead of the smiley. Because when people think of me, they always become happy! The bad thing about this is that people will forget the smiley, and the few who remember him will always see him as the sad pathetic round little thing he is. Don't tell him I said that.

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Dear person who wasn't witty to begin with,

"What is the perfect bra size?"

If I told you, you wouldn't know what I'm talking about because you don't know shit about bra sizes. ADMIT IT! (because I sure don't)

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Dear sandsomething,

"Do you know any people from "Varberg"?"

Everyone I knew are dead. DEAD!

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Dear woman who for some reason believes I'm the right person to ask about schoolstuff,

"I'm supposed to write an essay on the importance of animals when they represent humans in poems that deal with childhood.

How should I start it? I'm stuck!"

You can start by killing the teacher.

Animals? Importance? Childhood?

The only thing I remember about animals from my childhood is an ugly big black dog who took a leak on my mailbox once. ON MY FUCKING MAILBOX! And I still remember it, I was like what, 5? Luckily they killed him off a few years later.

I still wash my mailbox regularly.

/ Terra Wagner