Oh my gosh, so many questions. I'll see if I can answer some of them, as they pertain to my life and experience.

First up, your most recent question - is just physically existing "living"? In the technical sense of the word, yes. But it's like being on a sports team and only sitting on the sidelines, never actually playing.

My life is an epic adventure. Every day is different, and every day brings new opportunities. I've entrusted my future to God and though I'm not quite sure where I'll end up, I know that it will be awesome. Even when things are tough and life is painful, I can still be joyful. It's taken me a lot of time to get to this point, and I asked myself a lot of these questions along the way. Sure I have things I'm passionate about like knitting and anime and physics, but apart from the greater purpose of my life, these things mean nothing. I'm not so much trying to reach a goal as I'm on a journey, and each day of the journey matters. Is it worth it? Absolutely, more than I ever imagined. Am I happy? Well, happiness is not quite the right word, because it's negated by sadness. I'd say perhaps that there is an underlying current of peace and joyfulness, despite what my emotions of the day may be. I know who I am and I know that I am meaningful and significant.

You are unique. You have so much potential. Your life can have as much or as little meaning and impact as you decide to claim for yourself. Sometimes you just need to see your life from a new perspective. Bill, maybe you should consider spending some time volunteering. You might find that through helping other people, you actually do care more than you realized. I count myself as one among the people on this forum who truly cares about you, and I'm praying that you find the meaning and purpose that you're looking for as well as a passion that will totally revolutionize your life.