Sex

[Buffalobiian]

As a virgin I think sex is like putting your penis in a bottle of mayonnaise. It feels good at first, but then it starts to sting when the mayonnaise gets in your urethra. The stinging doesn't stop even after you pull your dick out of the mayonnaise jar and run it under water, so you go to sleep, hoping to sleep it off. But you wake up in the morning only to realize you have a penile infection and you have to go to the doctor.

So you go to the doctor and she's all like "So you stuck your dick in mayonnaise?" and you're like "don't judge me" so she tries to fix your situation, but apparently the mayonnaise has multiplied in your penis and the only way to get it out is through amputation, but you want your penis still, so you decide to take some pills to get it fixed.

When you get back home you find out the mayonnaise jar is now pregnant with your kid, so you fucking flip out and try to leave the state because you ain't having none of that shit. Get an abortion, you damned mayonnaise jar.

But the mayonnaise jar calls the cops and the cops arrest you and force you to work for the rest of your life to support the damned mayonnaise babies you have which you realize after five years aren't actually yours because holy shit, you can't impregnate mayonnaise because you're a human, but by then it's too late and you still have to pay child support to raise them.

So you find a mustard bottle and the same shit happens again when you stick your dick in that and now you've got five illegitimate babies to pay for so you have to live in a shack for the rest of your life, cursing your luck.


And that's what I think sex is.

Stop using mayo and use pH-balanced hair conditioner/body wash.

[Animeniax]

Stop using mayo and use pH-balanced hair conditioner/body wash.

Sounds like he needs to use a condom... and get checked for STDs.