GotWoot Story Contest - Preliminaries - Round 5

[RedneckNoob]

A lot of the short stories I've seen submitted so far are in first person. First person is terribly difficult to write in and establish a strong setting. That's one thing that you don't do successfully. I can understand there are people in the room, but I can't fully understand the emotions they're displaying or how they're sitting/standing.

The protagonist was unique. I would not imagine someone reacting that way and being that coherent when being accused of alcoholism. I do understand that there are high functioning alcoholics, and he was surprisingly witty despite his fallacious lines of reasoning.

Avoid using quotation marks for emphasis. Punctuation controls the flow of narrative differently. If you want to show emphasis, then you should bold, underline, or italicize.

Also, I voted no. When I write, I prefer to host it in a place that I can use as a portfolio, so I keep it on my blog. Those with interest in writing professionally should do the same.

You used transition words during the narrative when they were unnecessary. Precise and concise writing is what you should strive for above all else in a short story. You're working within a very limited scope. Use as little words as possible to describe as much as possible. Just remember that English words always over power Latin or Greek words.

Some of the narrative vocabulary didn't feel as if it fit the tone of the story. Spake is the archaic past tense of speak. Now it should be spoke, and considering the situation that was happening, was the priest really speaking with the ordinary voice? Did you use the word without understanding it? That would violate the precise language mentioned earlier. Why was the protagonist using Yiddish words? The story explains that his wife is a very devout Christian, but you never establish his cultural background.

I was not expecting the specific problem his wife had with his alcoholism. It is a unique approach I don't see taken often, although I do agree that the shift to the apology was either too abrupt or not explained properly. I can assume a lot of stuff, but you shouldn't allow me to assume how the change was made, especially since this story is told from the first person. I should understand if he really had a change of heart or if he's saying that he's sorry to appease others. I don't mind that it ends with just the apology, but a better build up would be good.

Also, I voted no. I plan on writing professionally, so I keep my writing hosted on a place I can use as a portfolio: my blog. I wouldn't contribute and don't think that's the kind of thing that would be put to good use on a forum.