very nice work there Kiva, looks completely amazing and so much better than i could hope to do so i feel weird mentioning 2 things but you've asked for comments so:

1) the way you drew Hiro in the mid ground looks strange and not sized right on page 7, and he also kinda looks like Kakashi except for the small shoulder plate you put on him.

2) small gramatical thingy, just sounds weird to me.
Yume page 7: "We can't to keep our employer waiting, you know."
i don't believe the 'to' is supposed to be there, but i fuss over small things like that. to many years of actually listening in the wrong class.

but once again it looks amazing and you could bring the story anyway you want at this point with bringing in whatever characters you want. definetely looking forward to more.