I'm sorry if I somehow give you the wrong impression by my choice of words. "There are people out there that are doing worst then me" is not suppose make me feel all saintly and to be blunt, I don't give a shit about them. I'm in more or less the same situation as you hiroshi in 3), 4), 7) and 8). I know this sound really really weird but the "worst people", nameless and faceless, are still living and surviving which means that me and ME should at least keep going. Debt, bad GPA, feeling lonely and other shit didn't just happen to you. My stupid way to deal with it is hold on to some nameless faceless illusion that will ... I don't know what the hell they do but somehow they keep me going. The saddest part about the whole thing is that when shit happen I don't even feel sad or anything else anymore. I'm just ..... paralyze? The other ugly part about that thought is that deep down maybe that thought somehow give me this unconcious sick, cruel and perverted pleasure at seeing other people suffer.

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