ok here's one
Q:Wat did someone say to someone tryin' to steal their chesee?
A:NA-CHO-CHEESE LOL
ok that was a stupid joke dont yea think cause i forget how the question goes but i kno the answer lol so does anyone who knos that joke plz correct me alrite
the lameness is what makes them funny [img]i/expressions/devil.gif[/img]
let's revive this topic because i found a good joke..
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman wave at
him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he
knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think
you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind races. He racks his
brain and travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his
wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from Fred's stag night that I
fucked on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your
partner whipped me with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's Grade 3
teacher"
Oh my God.. OUCH.Originally Posted by Turkish-S
Anyway, a joke..
A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Got any bread?"
The bartender looks at the duck and says "No."
The duck replies "Ya sure you don't have any bread?"
"Quite sure" Says the bartender looking slightly annoyed.
The duck looks up at the bartender and says "Are you really sure you don't have any bread?"
"YES, I'M SURE!! If you ask me ONE more time, I will NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THE BAR!" The bartender yells at the duck.
The duck doesn't flinch and starts to think. . . . . Finally, the duck says "Got any nails?"
the bartender says "No."
The duck replies cheerfully "Got any bread?"
This is my most favorite joke ever:
One evening, a married couple had some friends over for a dinner party. The atmosphere was friendly and everyone ate and talked happily. After the meal, the men went into the living room to have some smokes and chill, while the women stayed in the kitchen and chatted. In the living room, the husband was telling his buddies about a restaurant he and his wife had been to the previous day.
"I tell ya, it was the best meal I have had in my life. That steak was perfect," He said.
"Yeah? What's the name of the place??" One of his friends asked.
"You know, I can't remember for the life of me what it was called. I think....Hey, you know that flower...the red one? With the thorns all over it? What's that called again?" The husband asked.
"You mean a Rose?" His friend answered.
"Ohhh yeah. That's it!" said the man as he turned his head to the kitchen and shouted to his wife: "Hey Rose!! What was the name of that restaurant we went to last night?!"
<@Terra> he told me this, "man actually meeting terra is so fucking big", and he started crying. Then he bought me hot dogs
> Indian With One Testicle
>>>
>>> There once was a Red Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named
>>> because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked
>>> everyone not to call him Onestone.
>>>
>>> After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,
>>> "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got
>>> around and nobody called him that any more.
>>>
>>> Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good
>>> morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
>>> the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made
>>> love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
>>>
>>> The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
>>> Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a
>>> woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for
>>> many years.
>>>
>>> Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw
>>> Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."
>>>
>>> Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made
>>> love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all
>>> the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird
>>> wouldn't die!
>>>
>>> What is the moral of this story?????............................
>>>
>>>
>>> OH, come on...take a guess!
>>>
>>>
>>> Think about it ....... (You're going to love this!)
>>>
>>> And the moral is:
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> ...You can't kill two birds with one stone.
more jokes people come on.
I was just reminded today of a good joke concerning grammar I heard a while ago:
Why you should never end your sentences with a preposition:
Harry was getting along in years and found that he was unable to perform sexually. After putting it off for some time, he finally went to his doctor. The doctor tried a few things, but in the end, nothing seemed to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.
Shortly after Harry's arrival, the medicine man says, "I can cure this." He throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says,"This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
Harry then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is "1234", and it will go down. But be warned," He said gravely, "it will not work again for another year."
Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers and prowess.
That night he is ready to surprise his wife, Joyce. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her says, "123."
He suddenly becomes more aroused than anytime in his life, just as the medicine man had promised. Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks,
"What did you say 123 for?"
<@Terra> he told me this, "man actually meeting terra is so fucking big", and he started crying. Then he bought me hot dogs
I'm sorry if this is a bump, but I just checked this forum out. This was definitely one of the best if not THE best joke I have ever heard.
Now 99% disease free!
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