My ex bought me a Darwin Awards book for Christmas last year, good shit.

I've worked in retail for a good 6 years now, and there are some stupid people that do some stupid things. I'll skip the basic angst-ridden individuals, pissed over the basic retail things and go for gold:

I once had a guy come in to Suncoast, I was an assistant manager. Remember those commercials they had, boasting the individual that knew everything about any movie without you saying the title? Yeah, that was myself and compadre Josh.

Random Cracker: I'm lookin' fer this movuh... 'bout a jail break 'n a plane.

Me: It could be either Turbulence or Con Air, if it's fairly recent.

RC: Mmm-nah, don't thank so. M'this'n movie had that John Cusack guy n'-

Me: Con Air, the movie is Con Air.

RC: I said it ain't that'n, let me finnush. It had that John Cusack guy n' that guy from Beein John Milkawitch.

Me: Sir, that is John Malkovich.

RC: YUH! He wuz John Malkovich in that movie... y'know it?

Me: Yeah, the actor's name is John Malkovich. He played himself in the movie, sir.

RC: Now that's just sum bullsheeit you movie peoples say. I don't know his name, but him'n that Cusack guy were in a movie about an airplane and a jail break.

Me: Again, sir, Con Air. Here's the box. *points to the name John Malkovich on the back of the DVD

RC: F**k you, I'm a workin' man, I ain't gotta stand for this!

That's probably one of my gems right there. What irks me is the fact that this trailer jockey comes in looking for Con Air, which is a typical fanfare action, but has somehow managed to watch Being John Malkovich without realizing that John plays himself in the movie. This isn't a movie elitist kind of thing, it's just that... he's a cracker. This movie is not cracker fanfare, y'know?

*shrug* The mysteries of the retail world...